I love black thongs
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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