I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My life is pants optional.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
