You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
