This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
