dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
