I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I came so hard my ears popped.
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