I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize