She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
