her vagina looked like bernie madoff
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
