I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
