i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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