I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
