The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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