No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
