I wish I could punch you in the face.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
