Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
