There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
