I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
