3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
