Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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