it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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