he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
