Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize