last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
organizing the empties. That sober.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
tell me about the eggs
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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