It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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