Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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