So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize