remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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