Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
