Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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