is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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