I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
