They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize