Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
