You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
