and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
