i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize