Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
