Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
