do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
