Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize