Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
