He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
