I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
