did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
