you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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