Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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