How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
