So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
