thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
