Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
