Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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