I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
