He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
