the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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