i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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