last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize