You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize