apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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