But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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