dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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