I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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