i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
