Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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