Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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