I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
