i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
