Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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