I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
